How to run a business

Once, I started a book selling business. I wasn’t very good, so I threatened all my would-be competitors and forced them out of NH. If someone wanted to sell books to provide food for their family, they needed permissions and licenses from me. I took the lion’s share of their revenue anyway. 

I was the state’s only bookseller. Still, even though NH residents were voracious readers, I struggled, so I decided to force all substitutes out of the state as well. I strong-armed out of town all sellers of magazines, newspapers, e-books, etc. I started a clever marketing campaign to label all these substitutes as harmful, as promoting ideas that are evil and dangerous. Instead of discussing ideas logically with reason, I labeled as criminals all thinkers of ideas that did not flow from my books. 

Believe it or not, the criminals still read texts other than my books! I hired some security guards to help protect my business. I paid these guards to stop and search people for contraband. (“Contraband” is the collection of goods that I don’t want people to buy.) Those who possessed non-books were thrown into cages. The cages filled up, so I hired construction companies to build bigger cages to house more people, both men and women--it was a success for equal rights. 

Now, it's pretty easy. Most people know that it's immoral to read anything but my books, which are the only source of good ideas.  Most of the animals who disagree are in cages where they belong.

This year, I made $642 million.